It’s time for radical amputation!

Here is a statement that may seem radical to some, “It is going to take a miracle for you to be free of porn and sexual compulsions.” Several years ago I probably would have scoffed at anyone who said such a thing; but, after being caught in a serious porn addiction for more than 15 years, I believe I am more than qualified to vouch for the truth of that statement. Quitting porn is a three-way partnership between you, God, and people who are trained to help you. Though there are things you can do, you will not be able to do it all on your own. And other people can’t do it for you. So, how does this three way partnership work? The answer is very simple: We must do all that we can do for ourselves so that God can work his miracles in our lives. The first thing we should do is practice accountability. The next step is radical amputation.

If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out. And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two feet and be thrown into hell. And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell. (Mark 9:43-47)

Radical Amputation Defined

This step, as defined by Setting Captives Free, is Separating ourselves completely from whatever has fueled our pornographic addiction and from whatever situations might tempt us into inappropriate sexual behavior.  It is a zero tolerance approach to our recovery.  It is the all or nothing approach to ridding ourselves of our affliction.  It does not allow for half measures or just getting rid of the big stuff.  It is a line of demarcation that we draw that declares to ourselves that we are serious about moving on from from our affliction.  As a concept, radical amputation may not seem reasonable; but, when it comes to dealing dealing with a sexual addiction or sexual compulsions, being radical is only way we can be free. Let’s begin with the easy stuff.

Step 1: The Easy Stuff

The first part of radical amputation is to get rid of every obvious thing in your possession that has even a hint of pornography–no matter how trivial or soft it may seem to you.  We do not even want a hint of sexual immorality in our lives.

• Get rid of all sources of porn and sexual material that may be hidden away in your home, office, car and computers.
• Cancel all subscriptions you may have to suggestive magazines and cable services–even the soft stuff!  We’re talking about stuff that may not phase the average person; but, any material that causes you to take as much as a second look must be gotten rid of.  That’s the secret-you must get rid of anything that causes you to linger or take a second look.
• Destroy all sexually oriented DVDs, magazines, videotapes, books, advertisements, catalogs or anything else you can think of that would remotely feed your sexual compulsions. Don’t just throw them out where someone else might find them–destroy them. Burn them if at all possible.
• If possible, destroy your old hard drives and replace them. Start with new operating systems so that you won’t be tempted to go back.
• Cancel secret e-mail accounts.
• Cancel any secret post office boxes.
• Cancel any secret credit cards.
• Cancel any memberships to strip clubs, video clubs, etc.
• End all extramarital relationships including chat room friends, email buddies, on-line messengers and so on. Cut them off. Don’t go back and try to explain yourself–just turn and walk away.  Sometimes the best way to be free is to just turn our head in a different direction and walk away.
• End all extramarital affairs.
• If necessary, get a new cell phone so that you cannot be reached by those who would tempt you.
• If you have been involved with phone sex, get rid of your cell phone. You can live without a cell phone!
• Add internet accountability software to your computer.

Of course, once you get rid of the obvious snares, you must not allow yourself to go back to them. That is where your future miracle is going to take place! But for now, there is more to do. Let’s go to step two–ending all forms of extramarital sex.

Step Two: End all forms of extramarital sex.

Those of us who have a problem with pornography or other sexual compulsions have a sex drive that has gotten out of control. We have become hypersexual. Hypersexuality is characterized by a debilitating need for frequent genital stimulation which, once achieved, may fail to result in the expected long-term emotional — or sexual — satisfaction. This dissatisfaction is what is believed to encourage the heightened frequency of sexual stimulation, as well as additional physiological and neurological symptoms. Simply stated, we must reduce our hypersexual state.

Extramarital sex is more than ending affairs

Ending extramarital sex is more than ending any extramarital affairs that you may be involved in. It means we end all forms of stimulation that would lead us to the big ‘M or masturbation! When we are caught in this addiction, we are constantly seeking stimulation that leads us to act out. Things are are rather harmless to others serve as “useful” stimuli for the hypersexual person.  To a normal person, someone walking down the street may not even register upon their attention.  To a hypersexual person, we not only see the person, we admit them to our minds as a potential fantasy to be used later when we act out.  In this step, we resolve to permanently stop all forms of acting out. Until we are willing to do this, we will find ourselves constantly finding stimuli that compromises our behavior.

When I first became involved in my recovery, the idea of ending all forms of self-gratification seemed an impossible task. I could not imagine going without any sex except what might be offered in my relationship.  As a hypersexual person,  I told myself that I needed all of this extra sex.  Actually, stopping the acting out was easier to do than I thought. I found that when I knew that masturbation would be off limits, I was more motivated to stop feeding myself stimuli.  I was more motivated to stopping the second looks and avoiding all behaviors that would propel me towards the fantasy life I had been living. I found that so much of my hypersexuality was tied up in allowing my thinking to develop beyond a point of no return. This leads us to the third part of the puzzle–stopping lust.

Step Three: Stopping the Lustful thoughts.

The third and final step of radical amputation is what Joyce Meyer calls the Battlefield of the Mind. This is where we learn to recognize our lustful thoughts as they arise. At first this isn’t easy. We’ve been accustomed to letting our thoughts go where they will while showing little, or no, restraint on our parts. When we remove extramarital sex as an option, we quickly learn that these fantasies are not profitable; thus, we begin to recognize and capture our sexual thoughts in the moment.

We also become more wise about what is likely to trigger us to engage in unrestrained sexual thinking. We begin to intentionally set up boundaries that make it harder for us to do so. For instance, I used to subscribe to Cinemax and Showtime. While each of these networks offer some very fine programming, they also offer sexually explicit material as well. I would find myself unable to stop viewing these shows. It became necessary for me to cancel my subscriptions to these networks. Then, after I did this I discovered that I was also watching other shows that caused me to engage in my fantasy life.  I discovered that I had to stop watching certain other non-pay television shows altogether. The point is, that once we begin to remove the obvious offending stimuli we will then be able to discover the more subtle stimuli that trigger our acting out.  Step three is about setting new boundaries that discourage our ability to entertain sexually oriented thoughts.

When we stop feeding the mind with sexually oriented stimuli our cravings begin to diminish and go away.

Conclusion

Radical Amputation is a three part process that is designed to cut out anything and everything that causes us to feed our lustful cravings. We begin by getting rid of the obvious detriments and conclude by learning how to stop our lustful thoughts as they arise.

I began this article by noting that it takes a miracle for us to be free of our sexual compulsions. But I have found that this miracle is guaranteed to all who are willing to take these first steps of accountability and radical amputation.  When all of us do what we can through Radical Amputation, it makes it possible for God to then step in and work a miracle in our lives. For my part, I am glad that I took the time to do this. Once I did what I could, I found that God was more than willing a miracle in my live, as well as move me to the next step,  which includes purging our minds of previous memories and taking away the compulsive desires we once had to live a hypersexual life.