Asparagus and Long-Term Recovery

Have you ever wondered what asparagus has to do with long term recovery?  I thought not!  But seriously, hang on and I’ll explain it to you as well as introduce you to three indispensible principles for making a full recovery.

Asparagus

My mother taught me to like almost every food—including asparagus.  In fact, it was a favorite of mine growing up.  I found it tasty and I enjoyed it with melted cheese and toast. I liked it, and it liked me!  Years later I went go to Germany and had a delicious meal of white asparagus that was prepared by a friend.  I had never eaten this before—and I liked it even better than green asparagus—until the itching started!  I began itching from head to toe.  This wasn’t a mild form of itching, it was intense and it lasted for almost an hour!  I had never had a reaction like this before and I didn’t know for sure what had caused it.  I was suspicious of the asparagus, but thought it might also have been caused by the wine.  Later, the same thing happened when I ate ordinary green asparagus.  This time, I was even more suspicious—but I wasn’t completely sure since I had been eating this all of my life with no ill effect.  The last time I ate asparagus, all doubt disappeared.  I itched so intensely and my face, lips and tongue swelled up so badly that I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital.  This time, I was 100% certain that my allergic reaction was directly related to asparagus.

Now days, when I see asparagus, I inform my friends that I’m allergic and ask if they’d like mine.  It’s not uncommon for them to remark that they feel sorry for me and ask me if I miss it.  My answer is always the same; I don’t miss it because I know what it does to me; and since I do, I don’t want it on my plate or in my life.  The pain it causes isn’t worth it!

We don’t give something up until the pain of doing it exceeds the pain of not doing it.

My story about the asparagus is also true for those of us who suffer from addictions and compulsions.  I have found that the reason why so many relapse into pornography after quitting for a period of time is that they still haven’t fully come to the point where they believe the “pain isn’t worth it.  I never “slip up” and eat asparagus because I know what will happen to me if I do.  Those who are fully successful in putting sex and love addictions behind them don’t slip up because they have become fully aware of the pain that comes their way if they relapse.

We don’t give something up unless we hate it!

Another successful indispensible attitude that is necessary if we are to leave our bondage behind for good is to hate the sin.  So often, we look back fondly on those times in our life when we participated in our addiction—with seemingly no harm or consequence.  In my experience, a person harbors fond feelings of their destructive behaviors—even if it is in the past—is bound to repeat them once more.  One of the reasons I have been able to stay clean for years is because I have seen firsthand the destruction that comes to those who use pornography.  These include: miserable marriages, loss of trust in relationships, divorce, suicide, prison, loss of employment, embarrassment before children, the loss of respect from friends, relatives, and family members, loss of reputation, the loss of personal peace, happiness and self-esteem, and the wasted years of life—to name but a few.  Once we become fully aware of the costs of our destructive behaviors, in our own lives as well as others, it becomes much easier to hate the sin.  For those of you who don’t hate the sin that has overtaken you, take a moment and reflect upon what its cost you and those you know.

We don’t give something up until something better shows up.

Nature abhors a vacuum.  When we set one thing aside, it must be replaced with something else.  The 24 hours of your life each day will be filled with something.  The only question is, “What?”  When I left my addiction to pornography, I found that I had more time on my hands that I didn’t know what to do with.  The creation of this website was a partial result of the extra time that suddenly was mine.  The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous states the importance of giving back in their 12^th step.

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Giving back is a great way of getting to that better life.  Leaving a life of sin, addictions, and compulsions behind you will create a life you have been dreaming about.  It will be a life where you are free of your compulsions, anger, resentments, and ill will.  It will be a life of increased personal respect from you, your family and friends.  It is a life that is more rightly related to you, your relationships and God.  It will be a life that is useful and not wasted.  But most of all, it will be a life that brings hope and help to others.