I Came to Believe.
Step 2 Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
It almost sounds blasphemous that I could not believe that God is able and wants to help me heal; but, when you look at the downward spiral of my life – and the progression of my addiction – I have to admit that many times I felt that God had given up on me. Perhaps worse, (this is very hard for me to admit) I had given up on God.
In many areas of my life – I was successful. Plenty of money, a good job, great church, nice house, beautiful wife—but inside I was a shell of a man. What really got my attention – was when I found myself — sometimes days after acting out – remembering that I had not even asked God to forgive me–even for the 10,000th time!. That really yanked my chain. Was I disconnecting from God or what?
Hell yeah – I was disconnecting–any idiot from the outside could have seen that. But addictions are like that. We are not able to see what others about us can plainly see.
But the unbelievable thing is this, God had not given up on me!
Now that I am coming out of the "fog" that I seemed to live in while pursuing my addiction – it is evident that God was reaching out to me all along - even when the sin seemed to be overtaking my entire being. At the time all I could feel was shame and guilt – instead of the efforts God was making to reach me and to love me. I am grateful to God for the moments his love was evident.
- An early Saturday morning about 6 years ago, when I was at church for men's weekly prayer – and as I was kneeling down to begin praying – God "spoke" to me these words – "It's time to give it up". I did not have to ask what he meant. I just said "yes Lord".
- As I walked into an evening service on day 2 of a men's conference in November 2007 (I had spent day one in my motel room – drinking and thinking about ending my life). I was crying as I took my seat – and actually told God that I had to have help – and I had to have it that night! From the minute the praise and worship started – God began to pour his love into me. It seemed like every word the preacher spoke was directed right to me. It really sobered me up. During the alter call – he called for men who may have been sexually abused as young boys and now suffered with sexual issues or addictions in their life. I'm not stupid – and knew he was talking about me. I had NEVER told ANYTHING before about my past or about my struggles. But that night God provided a listening ear – and I saw a glimmer of hope for me.
- November-December 2007 as I was driving down south Walker in OKC – I saw a large garrish blue sign on the side of a building that read "Porn Sunday. I noticed it was a church (LifeChurch) – and said to myself "I wish I could go to a church like that".
- A Friday evening in January 2008 at 5pm when Jason opened the storm door of his house (he was actually about to leave and go with his wife somewhere). I had found him by e-mailing LifeChurch to ask about men's groups that helped men with porn addiction. Jason took the time to sit with me in his living room, to tell his story to me, and to let me tell a little of mine. As I sat their crying on his sofa – I felt the love of God once again overtake me. I knew God had led me to that place.
- This past fall in 2009, through the obedience of men of God like Joe K, Bryan D, Rick S, and David L – God allowed me to enroll in a mentorship for recovery from porn and lust. Together with support from other men, God has showed himself "strong" on my behalf.
In the clarity of the sobriety God has given me so far – I can now see His hand reaching out to me throughout my life – even when I did not perceive it at the time.
I can see now that God was calling me to believe!
We came to believe that God could restore us to sanity.
A prominent physician stabs and kills his young son – believing he is possessed by the devil. Someone else under the influence of drugs and alcohol - thinks they can fly – so they jump off of a multi-story parking garage. People have actually burned themselves with gasoline - trying to get imaginary insects off of their body.
Insanity can manifest in different ways – but it is based upon false perceptions or wrong believing. It seems so right – but is so wrong. Actually, when a "normal" person sees the situation – it obviously doesn't even make sense.
In step 2 – we came to believe that sanity could come back to our lives.
Sanity is perception based upon "truth".
We come to believe that God can restore us to a perception of things as they REALLY are.
John 8:32 "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free."
When I was faced with the real condition of my life, the brokenness of relationships, my screwed-up way of thinking, the sinful actions, the harm I had caused— and I realized I had no control over it, then I saw surrender was the only answer. Then with the glimmer of hope given by God through other men in recovery — I began to believe that God could restore me to sanity – His reality – His truth. God's reality is what I needed so desperately!
Living in reality – what a concept!
This post was written by OKCfreemen--a member of the Purity Project in Oklahoma City. If you have questions or comments of a personal nature, you may reach him at mentor@purityproject.com
What should I do if my husband uses porn?
Discovering that your husband is using porn can be a very disappointing and discouraging moment for many women. It is a time that brings about many unanswered questions. The purpose of this article is to answer some of the most common questions about what you should say and do. Read more
Can you see HIM?
Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that He has the power to help me recover. (CR Step 2)
We had a sermon series this last year called "Can You See Him?".
As we recognize how powerless we were – and begin to consider the limitless power of God and how he is willing to help us – we can often look back and see where God has been reaching out to us all along. As we take step 2, once again God is trying to get our attention and show us how much He cares for us and is concerned for us.
Take time today – to see how God has moved in your circumstances to bring restoration.
He woke you up this morning to begin a new opportunity to live for Him.
He gives you breath & strength right now to get back up one more time and fight the good fight.
He leads you to other men who can help encourage you and walk the path of healing with you.
He gives His Holy Spirit to encourage you – to come alongside you and assist when you are weak and need help.
He chooses to forgive your past and sees the bright future you have with Him.
He has saved you from multiple attempts the enemy has made to take you out.
He has rescued you when you saw now way out.
He has given you hope – just in the nick-of-time.
He is watching over you right now – concerned about you.
Can you see Him?
This post was written by OKCfreemen--a member of the Purity Project in Oklahoma City. If you have questions or comments of a personal nature, you may reach him at mentor@purityproject.com
Personal History
Overview
As we begin the process of recovery, a very effective place to begin is by systematically reflecting upon the events of our past. The goal of our reflection is to notice how the events and things of our our past relate and connect with our present compulsions and addictions. While all of us are intimately familiar with the story of our lives, most of us have not examined our past with an eye of relating these events to our present situation. Our goals is to not only notice the progression of events that led to our addictive choices, but to also discover powerful influences that served to influence us to make bad choices. Read more
