Was Eliot Spitzer a sex addict?
Another very powerful man has fallen from power into abject humiliation. For the past several days, as the headlines about Governor Eliot Spitzer continue to grab our attention, I have noticed any number of similarities between his life, my life, and the lives of those I know who suffer from sexual compulsions and addictions. Spitzer’s is being railed upon from almost every corner, and perhaps rightfully so, for his hypocrisy and immoral behavior. Stories involving sex grab headlines and the press has not disappointed us. However, unlike so many public figures and people in the press, I’m not going to be one to throw the first stone. Some of us have been there and we know the pain that comes when our lives suddenly crash about us. Is Eliot Spitzer a sexual addict? I believe so and I’ll give a few reasons why. Read more
Can we really change?
At some point in our lives, we need to ask ourselves a very important question: “Must I accept that I am whatever I am or is it possible for me to change?” Another way of asking this question is: “Can we really change who we are?”
I find that we don’t like to be pinned down with this question. The convenient answer is to say, “That depends.” Most of us accept the common opinion that there are some things in our lives that can be changed and others that cannot. But I see this answer as a convenient cop out that robs us of our ability to make choices for positive transformation. If we believe that change isn’t possible, we won’t try. If we believe that we can change, we will feel compelled to take action. As long as we allow ourselves to be confused about what can and cannot be changed in our lives, we’ll live dead-ended, stalemated lives where we wonder if the latest challenges we face is something that we should even invest our energies to change or not. Here is what we in the Purity Project believe: With God’s help, there is nothing in your life that cannot be changed; but, some things can be changed faster than others. Read more
You don’t mess with pornography, it messes with you.
I read in the paper about the husband of a co-worker who is going to prison for at least six years. His crime was a natural extension of his long time addiction to pornography. He crossed a legal boundary and used concealed television cameras to spy on young girls. The man was a deacon at a local church. He had a respectable job, a lovely wife and beautiful children. His wife is devastated. His family is torn apart. To someone who doesn’t have a problem with sexual addiction, this man’s unlawful behavior is not only disguisting but totally incomprehensable. They ask, “How did somebody like that get to where he is today?” To those of us who suffer from sexual addictions and compulsive behaviors, we know that there for the grace of God, go I. Read more
Do you have a Bachelor’s Degree in Porn?
Time spent with pornography can add up in a big way.
Internet pornography is a big time waster. Little bits of time here and there can add up considerably. Think about this: if a person averaged fifteen minutes a day viewing porn–
- In one week they would spend one hour and forty-five minutes a week of time.
- In one month they would spend seven and one half hours of time.
- In one year they would spend 90 hours of time–which is the equivalent of three full days–plus an additional eighteen hours. Another way of looking at this would is to note that this would be the equivalent of a little more than eleven working days of eight hours each. Read more
What are your addictive triggers?
Addictive behaviors don’t just happen spontaneously; there are specific causes behind them. We call these addictive triggers. According to Dr. Archibald Hart, an addictive trigger is a “Starting Stimulus” that begins the process that eventually leads us to act out on our addiction. For those who struggle with sexual addictions and compulsions, these triggers can be very subtle. We may wonder why we find ourselves constantly noticing women in the cars next to us when we aren’t even trying to notice anyone, or find ourselves flirting with waitresses or cashiers for unexplained reasons. Without an understanding of the dynamics causing all of this, we will find ourselves being triggered from one episode to another with little or no control over what is happening to us. Triggers differ from person to person and from addictive behavior to addictive behavior. Often the roots of these trigger mechanisms can be traced to experiences we disliked as a child. Here are some common triggers:
- anxiety
- isolation
- boredom
- depression
- crises
- sense of failure
- unmet sexual needs
- criticism
- selfish needs
According to Hart, there are many other possible triggers for addictive behavior. In fact, anything that threatens failure, rejection, or abandonment can become a stimulus for an addiction cycle. Add to this the personality traits of passivity, under-assertiveness, or dependency, and you have a powerful set of addictive triggers. Read more
